But I signed on to go through the process of Ascension publicly. This is my job. And even if I look like a fool, or a braggart, or a nincompoop, this remains the job I must do.
I’ve shared this with one other person and, usually when one does, one breaks through a psychic barrier and it becomes easier thereafter to share with others.
I don’t share this to draw attention to myself. This is not about me. I have no need for attention, no need for life’s rewards. I actually do know that I’m finished with them.
Indeed I wish I didn’t feel the need to share it. But transparency and the path of awareness demand it. Here is that share.
I feel so much power inside of me that I feel constantly frustrated, constantly suppressed, in danger of developing an ulcer unless I find a way to let it out or express it fully and healthily.
I’ve been denying this feeling for most of my life. Not mysteriously (any more), I have also been battling with anger a great deal of my life, which I attributed to my Dad’s violence and my mother’s unfortunate death. But I’m only now coming to see that the source of that anger is very, very different.
The source of this anger is that I do not know a healthy way of letting out the degree of power I feel bottled up inside of me. And I’m afraid of it. And I’m ashamed of it, like it cannot be discussed, leaked out, referred to or be known.
And I only say this because it might be something you recognize as well and because I sense saying it is in some way important to Ascension work.
I’m aware of an energy inside of me so big that I’m loathe, even scared, to acknowledge it. I was told about one of my past lives and the minute I heard it, I said “Yes!” I don’t discuss past lives because one can be the butt of jokes for doing so. So I’d rather not that this one be communicated, to those of my friends who know it. Please don’t seek it out. But allow me this degree of privacy, if you’d be so kind.
Nevertheless, I cannot avoid speaking about the feeling that exists inside of me. I see now that the anger I’ve felt all my life is this suppressed, repressed, displaced sense of power.
And now the sharing becomes even more difficult. And I’m almost red in the face and want to run away and hide forever. But I have to push myself because I think these circumstances are important to others. In a sense, I suppose, I’m going first but I’m only doing it to make it easier for you. This is so hard.
I may have told you before that an attempt was made in 1979 to measure my IQ and the psychological-vocational consultant ran out of IQ tests. I scored perfectly on the highest IQ tests he had.
I asked Mensa Canada to look at the test results and tell me if the gentleman who did it was a complete incompetent and a loony. I received back a letter saying “Welcome to Mensa.”
Why do I mention this? Because I don’t think I’m unique. Heavens, we’ve been posting videos of Jackie Evancho, of boys who consistently sink baskets from perhaps hundreds of feet away, of seven-year-old children who play the piano flawlessly. Folks, these are us.
All through my early life, I was related to as if I was a freak. No one understood me. Only later did I discover that it was because I spoke in latinate diction. It wasn’t until a colleague threw a banana peel over a divider and said to me, “Steve, speak in Peter Rabbit English” that I cottoned on to what was happening. Ever since I speak in the simplest of words.
As for this feeling of power inside of me, I used to disarm people who came at me with a knife and I did so with a smile on my face. When I accused the cabal several years ago of a long list of crimes, I attached my address and phone number to the article. (Scared the heck out of a relative.) I used to describe myself as a kamikaze. Wherever there was trouble, I was there. I never for a moment suspected what this hurricane was inside of me.
I’m being slowly awakened by Archangel Michael and certain galactics which I’ll refrain from naming at this point as to where they come from. At first they told me something that was so outlandish that I laughed. Later I asked AAM if they were kidding me and he said they were not.
All of this is just preamble to saying this to you: Folks, we do not know who is here. We are going to get the biggest surprise of our lives when the masks come off. I know that the masks cannot be taken off all at once. They have to be removed gradually.
When AAM agreed to tell me six of the eight lives I had lived, it sent me into a tailspin. It was like having six people inside me wanting to get out. I can say that one was a mathemetician who at the end of his life asked Archangel Michael to grant that he never needed to be born as a mathematician again. (I hate math!) There were other people that I still laugh at the thought of. Ah, c’mon!
AAM will not tell me two of my lives and I can imagine why. In fact I don’t even want to know them if he’s reluctant to say. I have enough on my plate already.
But the point is: It’s the same for you. Ask not for whom the bell tolls.
And don’t go raising me on a pedestal. That’s senseless and the exact opposite of what should happen. If you really need to put someone on a pedestal, which is unhealthy to begin with, then for heaven’s sake, put yourself on one. Because you’re about to find out that you’re a masterful individual. (Listen. They pay me to say these things.)
I know I’ve said this before, but you have to realize how important, how necessary this share is to me. It’s like I saw the treasure buried in the field and now can do nothing more than sing and shout about it.
There are others known to me who could say exactly the same thing. It wouldn’t be right of me to share their circumstances but they would be as unusual as mine are.
How many of you out there have felt a tremendous feeling of power inside? How many of you know you know the deepest of mysteries, even though at a surface level you don’t? How many know you’ve played a decisive role in some circumstance, even though you can’t quite put a finger on it?
Monday on An Hour with an Angel, AAM discussed how the Third-Dimensional energies were very, very dense. I chimed in about the human body being dense and he said that too.
We’re mired in the La Brea Tar Pit at the moment. But when the energies rise sufficiently, we’ll be out of the tar. For heaven’s sake, hold a particle of faith back for you being absolutely flabbergasted at who is here. That who is you.
OK, I’m going to run and hide. I’ve shared to the point where I feel almost too embarrassed to face the day. But if you got from this share that we don’t know who is here, we really don’t, then this burning embarrassment will be worth it.
I’m increasingly becoming a recluse because what I’m coming to know has me feel increasingly like a crazy person. And sharing it only invites embarrassment on top of craziness.
So if my behavior is bizarre at times, please realize what it’s like to be told these things a wee bit ahead of many others. There’s no one to say these things to. Most of us aren’t writers. As excruciatingly embarrassing as a share like this is, at least I can say it. Many others have no one to share it with and no way to share it.
via Golden Age of Gaia
